


Lights, Camera, Action

by bambirosesavage



Series: Epileptic Felix [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Epilepsy, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lee Felix-centric (Stray Kids), OT8, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Seizures, Sickfic, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:07:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27073195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bambirosesavage/pseuds/bambirosesavage
Summary: Felix has had epilepsy for as long as he could remember, but he's never had a seizure on camera before. He doesn't want to start now.
Relationships: OT8 - Relationship
Series: Epileptic Felix [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975897
Comments: 19
Kudos: 390





	Lights, Camera, Action

Felix had to concentrate to keep the smile on his face. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy; he was, he just felt off. He didn’t really feel sick, but he definitely didn’t feel quite right. He knew what was wrong. As an epileptic, he’d had enough seizures to be familiar with this feeling, but he didn’t want it to happen, especially not today. He and the other members were filming a new episode for their show on M2. So far for their show, they’d only shot little challenges and gone on day trips to film their activities, but for this episode, the production company had gone all out and rented them a house to film in. They would be there overnight with the idea of the episode being a sleepover with Stray Kids. It sounded a lot more fun than some of the other things they’d shot, and everyone had been looking forward to it, including Felix. The last thing he wanted was to have a seizure and ruin everyone’s fun. 

So far he’d managed to get through the day without much of a problem. He was careful to not be alone so that if he started to seize, he would have somebody close by to help him. Felix didn’t have many tonic-clonic seizures, luckily, and could get away with his more usual absence seizures without any help or, sometimes, without anyone even noticing that he was seizing. However, tonic-clonics were big and scary and always garnered a lot of attention. Felix would need someone with him to make sure he didn’t hit his head on anything if he fell or wouldn’t choke on his own vomit if he threw up. He stayed with Jisung as they packed their bags for the overnight trip and stuck close to Hyunjin as they filmed themselves shopping for groceries at the market. Nothing had happened, and Felix allowed himself to relax a little more. 

Now, though, as they were being filmed by a wall of cameras and managers and production staff as they cooked their dinner on the grill outside and put the food out on the table, Felix could no longer stave off the feeling that something was about the happen. His skin tingled unpleasantly like he had thousands of invisible bees crawling all over him. He had to consciously fight off the urge to look over his shoulder every few seconds as his anxiety spiked and waned to spike again. 

The others noticed his discomfort but didn’t say anything to him about it while there were so many cameras pointed at them. Changbin kept hip checking him when he got too distracted, and Minho wrapped him up in a back hug to try to keep him from constantly looking behind him. Felix appreciated what they were trying to do for him, but there was no way he could fight off the impending seizure, no matter how much he wanted to.

He walked over to where Chan was working the grill under the pretext of checking on the sizzling pork belly. “I think I’m going to have a seizure,” he muttered as quietly as he could, very aware of the production staff and their cameras listening to everything they said. “A big one.”

Chan’s head shot up, and he looked at him with wide eyes. “Now?”

“Not right at his moment but soon,” Felix said. “Probably tonight or tomorrow morning. I’ve been having auras all day.”

Chan glanced at the line of cameras filming their every move and stared down at the pork belly, flipping one piece over. “Do we need to stop filming?”

Felix shook his head minutely. “No. They spent a lot of money to do this, and everyone is having a good time.”

“You don't need to worry about everyone else,” Chan scolded him gently. “Worry about yourself. Do you need us to stop filming?”

“I don't think so,” Felix decided. “I can go inside when I feel like it’s about to happen, and we can tell everyone that I had an upset stomach or something.”

“That sounds okay. Have you told anyone else?”

“No.” Felix looked over to the tables where Hyunjin was trying to get Jeongin to catch grapes in his mouth. “I don't them to worry about me.”

Chan sighed. “At least tell a manager so they can help us get away from the cameras.”

“He’s gonna want me to go to the hospital,” Felix complained. He had had a handful of big seizures since joining the company, but no matter how many times the managers saw that he was fine afterwards or knew that his seizures weren’t dangerous, they still wanted him to go to the ER anytime he had a noticeable one. 

“You still need to let him know,” Chan insisted as he took some of the meat off the grill and put it on a plate for Felix. 

Just as Felix predicted, the manager immediately suggested that they go to the hospital despite Felix’s insistence that that wouldn’t be necessary. Eventually, though, the manager agreed that the boy could continue his schedule and stay at the accommodations overnight with everyone else so long as there were no complications with his seizure when he had it. 

“What was that about?” Seungmin asked as Felix rejoined the rest of the members as the meal started in full. 

“Nothing. I had a question about the filming is all.”

Seungmin blinked, unconvinced, but didn’t press the issue. 

They were just about to begin cleaning up the dining area and washing the dishes when Felix felt the fingers on his left arm start to twitch. He tucked his hand into the pocket of his jeans so the cameras wouldn’t see it and stared at Chan. The leader was playing rock, paper, scissors with Changbin and Minho to see who wouldn’t have to be on cleanup duty with Jeongin and Jisung. All the cameras were pointed at them as they chanted and yelled as they played. Felix smiled and laughed along with everyone else, trying to keep attention off of himself, all the while staring at Chan as intensely as he could without looking too weird.

If Chan felt Felix’s pointed gaze, he showed no sign of it. He yelled in excitement and frustration as all three players tied with scissors twice in a row before he and Changbin finally beat Minho with rock. He cheered and hugged Changbin, jumping around in celebration while Minho sank onto his knees and wailed dramatically. 

Felix went with Seungmin to join in the gloating with the rest of the winning team. He patted Chan on the shoulder with the hand that wasn’t twitching. “Hyung, it’s time.”

“What?” Chan asked, oblivious and euphoric.

“It’s time,” Felix repeated a little louder. He didn’t care if anyone overheard them. He was going to have a seizure at any moment; they could edit out his voice if they had to. 

Chan looked confused for half a moment before his face cleared of any joy he’d just felt as he realized what Felix was trying to tell him. “Now?”

“Now,” Felix confirmed, emphatic. “My fingers…”

Chan looked at where his hand was tucked into his pocket and noticed the faint movement from within. “Okay,” he said, his voice a little shaky. “Let’s go behind the cameras. The door to the kitchen should still be unlocked.” He grabbed Felix’s upper arm and forcibly steered him away from the other members who were still either celebrating their victory or lamenting their defeat. They squeezed around the production team and their cameras on tripods, walking behind them to stay out of frame.

They were nearly at the house when Felix felt himself starting to go. “Let me go.” He tried to pull away from Chan, but the leader only gripped his arm tighter.

“Just a few more feet and we’re there,” Chan said, seemingly more to himself than to Felix.

“Let me go!” Felix jerked out of Chan’s hold. He was aware that the other members were watching them now. He couldn’t tell if anyone was filming him, but he couldn’t care about that. His legs gave out from under him, and he fell hard onto the grass.

Chan went down with him, his hands fluttering and unsure. “Shit.”

Felix ignored him. He could feel his arm starting to jerk and a loud rushing, buzzing sound was filling his ears. He laid on his back and stared up at the dark sky. He saw the glare of the film crew’s lights in the corner of his vision, bright and overbearing until they and the stars flickered out and he was gone. 

Felix came back to himself slowly, consciousness dripping back into his brain in sluggish, sticky splotches. Sound filtered in first. He could hear voices around him. Some were raised and distant, and others were close and gentle. He chose to focus on the soft ones; he didn’t think he could handle the others just yet.

“He didn’t breathe any of it in, did he?”

“No, I don't think so.”

“Are you sure we shouldn’t call an ambulance or something?”

“He has seizures all the time. He’ll be fine.”

“Not like that he doesn’t.”

“Why isn’t he waking up?”

“What if something’s wrong?”

“That was a big one. Give him a minute.”

Even though he couldn’t place the voices yet, they felt familiar. He wanted to respond to them and ask what they were all talking about, but he didn’t have a voice yet.

Feeling came next, though Felix wished it wouldn’t. He was sore all over like he’d worked out too hard without stretching or warming up properly first. His elbows and hips were especially tender. His head was pounding and his throat hurt. Even the inside of his cheek hurt. 

Not all of it was bad, though. He could feel something soft under his head and the side of his face. There was something warm on his upper arm and his waist, holding him in place on his side. Someone was petting his hair back away from his forehead and lightly stroking over his eyebrow and cheekbone. That was nice.

He tried to lean into the touch, but he could only jerk his head slightly. The hand in his hair stilled. 

“Felix? Can you hear me?” 

Felix recognized the voice as Chan’s. He moved his head again.

“Is he seizing again??” Jisung asked.

“No, I think he’s waking up,” Chan said, sounding relieved. “You’re okay, Lix. You had a seizure. We’re taking care of you.”

Felix tried to tell Chan that he could hear him, but all that came out was a low, painful grunt and a bunch of saliva.

“It’s okay,” Chan said, petting his hair again. “You’re doing great, buddy. Take your time.”

Felix blinked his eyes open, squinting against the harsh lights. He was lying on his side, his vision half obscured by the grass. Hyunjin and Minho were kneeling in front of him, not touching him and keeping a safe distance from a pool of something yellowish right in front of his face. Seungmin and Jeongin clung onto each other behind them. He tried to lift himself up to find everyone else, but a hand pushed him back down. 

“You’re okay,” came Changbin’s voice from behind him. The hand on his arm moved to cup his neck. “Stay still for a little bit.”

He tried to talk again but another garbled grunt was the only sound that came out. 

“What is he saying?” Hyunjin asked. 

“Nothing yet,” Chan said. “It takes him a while to be able to talk again after a big one.”

Felix shut his eyes. He was beyond exhausted and his brain still felt mushy, but he was safe. The seizure was over and his members and managers were taking care of him. They would make sure nothing happened to him. He could check out for a moment.

“How long was it?” He heard Jisung ask.

“Just under three minutes,” their manager answered. 

“That was really scary,” Jeongin mumbled, and Felix couldn’t help but feel guilty. He knew his seizures weren’t his fault and that there was nothing he could do for them besides continuing to take his medicine and try to get enough sleep and eat right, but he hated to upset the maknae. Suddenly his already sore throat began to clog as tears formed. A wet sob escaped him.

“Oh no, Lixie, it’s okay,” Chan cooed. He wiped away the tear that had slipped down his cheek with his thumb. 

“Are you with us, Felixie-ah?” the manager asked in a soft voice as though afraid of upsetting him further. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m sorry,” Felix cried. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was crying. He was always more emotional than usual right after a seizure. 

“There he is,” Minho said. 

Changbin scooped him up into his lap, apparently foregoing his earlier precaution of keeping him still. “Aegi, don't cry. You’re okay. You don't have anything to be sorry for.”

Felix nodded against Changbin’s chest but continued to cry. 

“Are you feeling all right?” the manager asked in English, and Felix opened his eyes to look at him. “You vomited a little bit. How’s your stomach now? Can you breathe okay? I think we were able to clear your mouth out before you could choke on it.”

“No,” Felix cried, overwhelmed. He was still trying to process what had happened and how his body felt. Putting those feelings into words was too much at the moment.

Chan swept Felix’s hair back. “It’s okay. I know. Just take your time.”

Felix took as deep and purposeful a breath as he could and tried to stop crying. 

“Can you tell me what you’re feeling, Lixie?” Chan asked once Felix had had a minute to collect himself.

“Hurts,” Felix croaked. Big seizures always caught him off guard with how bad he felt afterwards. His little absence seizures didn’t hurt at all. They could be a little disconcerting as he had to try to catch up with the few seconds he had lost whenever his brain interrupted him with an absence, but they didn’t leave him aching like full tonic-clonics did.

“What hurts?” Chan asked gently, moving to hold Felix’s hand.

Felix shook his head. He didn’t have the words yet to describe the full-body ache the seizure had left him with. “Everything.”

“Seizure hurt or hospital hurt?” Chan prompted.

Felix held up a finger.

“First one?”

He nodded.

“Okay.” Chan squeezed his hand. “No hospital.”

“I still think he should get checked out,” the manager said, but no one seemed to be listening to him. 

Felix sat up a little in Changbin’s arms and wiped his face with his sleeve, smearing tears, snot, vomit, and drool across his cheek. He knew he must look like a total mess. He glanced over at the cameras, but Chan spoke up before he could ask.

“They’re off,” he assured him. “Stays aren’t going to see any of this. We can reshoot the whole episode when you’re feeling better if you want.”

The manager pursed his lips but didn’t contradict Chan. Some of the tension around Felix’s shoulders relaxed at that. “No,” he said. “It’s okay. I don't want to … show them … this though.” Talking was a little easier now that his brain was recovering from its misfire, but he was still struggling a bit to get the words out.

“We won’t,” the manager was quick to promise. “We can edit you out. Just say that you started to feel sick or that you got a headache or something.”

“Or we could say you had to leave to go to another schedule or something,” Jisung suggested. “That way you don't have to say that anything is wrong.”

Felix nodded. “Okay. Okay. I’m sorry.” 

“Do you think you can stand up?” Chan asked.

Felix nodded. Everything was still muddled and confusing, but he knew that he didn’t want to be lying on the grass in front of a bunch of camera operators that he didn’t know who had just seen him have a seizure. He held his arms up and let the manager pull him to his feet, Changbin holding onto his waist from behind to catch him in case he started to fall. The ground tilted dangerously beneath him, but he kept his balance. Chan stood as well and moved to his other side to help the manager support him as they slowly made their way into the house and away from the strangers and their cameras. 

The house they had rented for the night was bigger than their dorm back home, but it didn’t have as many beds. There were two bedrooms, one upstairs and one downstairs, each with a queen-sized bed that would sleep two members apiece. The other four members would camp out on sleeping mats in the large living room on the ground floor. Originally, the hyungs were planning to take the beds and leave the maknaes to make due on the floor, but the manager and Chan led Felix to the bedroom on the ground floor. 

Felix sank down onto the bed with an audible thump. Chan left, muttering something about finding Felix’s bag, and the manager disappeared into the adjoining bathroom. The bed was soft and the plain white duvet was fluffy and warm. He laid down, pulled his legs up to his chest, not caring that he still had his shoes on or that his face was still a mess of snot, tears, and vomit, and shut his eyes against the bright overhead light. 

Someone gently shook his arm, waking him from a light doze he hadn’t meant to fall into. “Felix-ah. I have some medicine for your headache,” the manager said. 

Felix groaned, annoyed at the disturbance, but opened his mouth and accepted the pills from his manager without opening his eyes, swallowing them down with a little bit of water. “Thank you,” he mumbled.

“It’s okay,” the manager said. Felix felt him pulling at his feet as he untied and removed his shoes for him. “Just rest. You’ll feel better in the morning.” 

Felix nodded and curled back up into a ball. He thought that he might be more comfortable under the covers, but he fell asleep too quickly to even try to move. He didn’t dream. Big seizures wore him out so much that he didn’t so much sleep as he did just pass out and waking him up from a post-seizure nap was almost impossible. However, he woke up suddenly and completely what felt like only a few minutes later.

He opened his eyes to a dark room that he didn’t recognize. He was tucked into a bed that was much bigger than the one he had back at the dorm. He usually slept on his stomach, but he was on his side. He tried to change position, but an arm slung across his waist from behind tightened its hold on him. Startled, Felix sat up and threw the arm off of him, his heart beating hard. 

“Wha-?” a sleepy voice asked. “Lixie, you good?” 

“Channie-hyung?” He was so confused. 

“What’s going on?” Chan sat up, his curly hair poking out in every direction. “Are you okay?”

“I don't- Where- I don't-” Felix rambled, totally confused, until he remembered. He’d a seizure. And everyone had seen him. 

“You had a seizure, remember?” Chan said softly, brushing Felix’s hair down. 

“Oh, no,” Felix groaned and buried his face in his hands. 

“It’s okay!” Chan pulled Felix into a hug. “It doesn’t matter.”

“I’m so embarrassed,” he mumbled into Chan’s shoulder. 

“Don't worry about it,” Chan said, rubbing Felix’s back. “Really. We told everyone that you had another schedule and couldn’t spend the night with us. They took the cameras out of the bedrooms and they’re gonna edit it so that nobody will suspect a thing. It’s all fine, I promise.”

Felix took a deep breath in through his nose. He wasn’t going to cry again. He couldn’t remember ever not having epilepsy. He’d had seizures all his life. He’d had seizures in public before. He just wasn’t used to his public life being so publicized before. He exhaled through his mouth.

“Are you all right?” Chan asked. “Feeling any better?”

“Yeah,” Felix nodded with a weak but genuine smile. “I’m okay. Thank you. For everything.”

Chan smiled back at him. “Of course. We’ll always take care of you.”

“I know.” Felix’s smile grew.

**Author's Note:**

> I should be working on stuff for school. Instead I wrote this. And I'm working on the next part of this series. And I have an idea for the third part, too. Whoops.
> 
> I did research for this series, but please let me know if I got anything wrong and I'll try to fix my mistakes. If you have any ideas for this series, leave a comment!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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